Nine examples on how NOT to hire a PHP developer @ SourceRally.net PHP Community

Being a developer you sometimes have to go through the hiring process – interview and negotiations ... here are some of my experiences from the real life on when YOU end up saying “FUCK YOU” to the employer in question.

I personally believe respect between employer and employee / interviewer and interviewee should be mutual. If it is not... find an other place – it will not be worth wasting your time in such a place – even if they offer best salary.

Very silly tests
What is wrong with the following code?
[CODE]
function foo(){
$bar = “TEST”;
return $bar;
}
echo foo();
[/CODE]
My answer: “Nothing...” ... Interviewers response: “but Rasmus Lerdorf told me it is wrong...” if Rasmus Lerdorf told you the moon is made of cheese, would you believe him?
Fuck you, if you make tests, at least know the answers right. Besides I doubt Rasmus Lerdorf EVER told ANYONE that.
Not being there for the interview
After traveling 200 kilometers, I am welcomed by an account manager for my interview. The senior developer was sick! Fuck you, I want to be interviewed by the senior developer who might hire me – not the fucking account manager, who knows shit. How hard is it to pick up the phone and cancel or pros pone an interview?
Trying to make me lower my salary expectations
You are not qualified – you don't know English and your Danish grammar stinks. Guess what my grammar didn't stink (the interviewers grammar did stink) and my English is fucking good (compared to Danish standards that is)...
Not knowing anything about the position ( recruitment agency )
Do you have experience with analysis? Yeah, I'm pretty good at analyzing blood... How do they make such a question up anyway? When you ask back which exact analysis they are thinking about, they don't have a clue...
Not reading my fucking CV (various)
I had the question: “Are you employed at the moment?” and my CV says “I am currently employed”, fuck you!
Making silly questions up
The interviewer looks to the up in the air very very very thoughtful (VERY), and makes up a silly question. Fuck you! At least take yourself the time to prepare your interview, it cannot be that difficult, after all you have a senior position if you're doing an interview!!!
Not being on time and wasting more of my time (recruitment agency)
I get in to their offices and wait for 15 minutes in the lobby, first interviewer comes and we go to a room where she spends 2 minutes explaining about the company. Next, I have to wait another 15 minutes for the next interviewer arrive. Fuck you! You know you have a fucking interview, be on time – you expect the same from your applicant – and don't fucking waste my time!
Not sending me an email confirming the interview and then calling me after the interview (recruitment agency)
If I don't have your address, how the fuck am I going to find out where to go? Then you call me afterwards... I am wordless... so fuck you too....
Sending the confirmation mail the same day the interview is supposed to happen
Come on? You could not send it right after we made agreement (five days ago)? Guess what, if people don't get back to me... fuck them and I make other plans.